"Methought I heard a voice cry ‘Sleep no more! Macbeth does murder sleep,’ the innocent sleep, Sleep that knits up the ravell’d sleave of care, The death of each day’s life, sore labour’s bath, Balm of hurt minds, great nature’s second course, Chief nourisher in life’s feast. " Macbeth, Act II, Scene 2  (More)

Righto - here they are....musings and dribblings from my fevered mind.  (More)

Hey, I'm not as brave as I thught I was. Certainly not as good at this as I'd hoped I'd be.  (More)

Hmmm. This seems strange to say the least, and kind of embarrassing, but I said I would do it and so here it is. Well...at least here's the first few. These blogs were written with no intention of deception, but with the intention of finally, once and for all, getting the 'closure' I so desperately needed on a time in my life that was dark and stupid and of which I am neither proud nor fond of remembering. In fact, I had managed to block a lot of it out, but had committed so much of it to journals and diaries at the time (I am a writer after all) that I had a rich vein of source material. From that point it didn't take long to slot myself back in to the life - no - the hell - I was living at the time and it's all true as it was, with the obvious exceptions of our baby son Nikky, and some scenarios that needed tweaking to make them relevent to today. But no matter when all this happened or how time has coloured my recollections, the feelings were real and are real, and the emotions and reactions of everyone concerned are as real as my memory will allow. And I came to samesame with a need for answers and some help and some support....but I never really banked on the friendship and the love I found here. I thought I would be able to deal with it in some sort of abstract and analytical way. Ha! That was never going to happen. I ended up re living this all as if it were happening right now and that was very difficult. I'm not an unintellignt woman but I did not see that coming. Nor did I realise that was what it was going to take to help me heal. And I wouldn't have. Except for the help of this site and what it offers and the unwavering support of one very special young woman. I know I say it a lot but it never seems enough - thanks Mel. So....here it is, such as it is and again please forgive the fucked up time frame and the equally fucked up mind that thought doing it this way in the first place was going to be ok.  (More)

I'm back...... Yeah, I had a major dummy spit, or possibly just a meltdown and in that time honoured Aussie tradition I picked up my bat and ball (and my blogs) and left. But I was persuaded by my soul sister to come back so here I am, complete with a long overdue confession. Thank you again Mel. Confession I hear you mutter? What's she bloody on about? Yep. I'm a fraud. Or at least I was. I was conning myself more than anyone else and I've made my apologies, and one of the most important people in my life has seen fit to forgive me....even understand me. Now, if I can just manage to do both those things for myself.....  (More)

I have a new best friend. I don’t have many friends. Not because I can’t, but because I choose not to these days. Oh I used lead quite a social life but now, for reasons best known to myself, I play my cards very close to my chest. So, now I’ve got this new friend. Actually, she’s not a friend in any traditional sense – such are the circumstances of both our lives that I’ve never even met her and sadly I’m never likely to. That doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. She’s more than that though. She’s more like a soul sister. Definitely a kindred spirit, linked to me inexplicably in a way that can only mean we’ve gone round this planet together before. And there’s a chemistry which I would not have thought possible through cyberspace, but there you go.  (More)