So Anthony Callea has come out. Well, I for one won't be embracing him as a gay icon, and it's not just because his music is shit or because I was always a Casey booster. First things first. The idea that he has 'bravely' come out is total bollocks. He was outed, pure and simple, even if it was so blindingly obvious that the person who outed him could only protest that he "thought it was common knowledge". Now maybe, as he claims, Anthony did have every intention of coming out by choice, but if he did I can only assume that it would have been a last ditch attempt to find a market for his failure of a second album. It's not like he admitted it prior to the release - wouldn't want to try the gay angle until after the teenage girls prove their lack of loyalty! This might be cynical, but consider his nauseating attempt to cash in in a recent interview: "Many people have commented on the considerable amount of pain and hurt in the songs of my album, ’ New Chapter’. I guess my music was the bridge to my soul, my emotion and my memory. So, it goes without saying, `A New Chapter’ is a big part of me. I am extremely proud of this album and I hope you feel and hear my story through it." Oh shut UP! It's not like the boy writes his own songs, for a start. And let's face it, he's never sung anything subtle enough to have multiple meanings, so if the album was going to in some way reflect his struggles as a gay man, I think it might have been more obvious. Unless of course, the 'You' in 'Addicted to You' refers to cock? But really, none of this is the issue. What pisses me off about Callea more than his terrible warblings, is the way in which he denied being gay. I have no issue with him choosing not to be out. The argument that he was just a kid when he got onto Idol and was far too nervous to come out is perfectly understandable. Whilst it is great when people in the limelight do come out, I don't think anyone actually owes it to anyone but themself to come out. What they do owe the queer community, however, is to make any denials in a dignified, respectful way. Ian Thorpe, for example, is always careful to say that being called gay is flattering, and never betrays any anger at being asked. Callea, on the other hand, has consistently responded angrily to the question. The first few times I can understand - he was young and it must have been confronting. But he should have gotten his act together before he was forced to come out, and dealt woth the questions in a way that didn't reinforce the idea that there was something wrong with being gay. On the other hand, it has to be exciting on some level to have a household name come out. I hope his outing and subsequent media coverage give strnegth to some confused kids out there. But he's got a lot more to do before I'll see him as worthy of my admiration on any level. A duet with the Young Divas on 'You Think You're A Man' might be a bloody good start though...

Goodbye Anna Nicole Though we never knew you at all You had no grace to restrain yourself And you let your brastraps fall You came upon some billions So you married that old man But then his family sued your ass And ruined all your plans And it seems to me you lived your life Like a crackwhore with ADD Never knowing what day it was When you appeared on TV And i would have liked to know you 'Cause you're a freakin' genius Your candle's burned out long before You got that codger's dosh

Fans of irony are moistening seats across the world at the news that the Duke of depressive anxiety, the one and only Morrissey , is contemplating a bid for the Eurovision crown . The real question now is what sort of song he’ll sing. Given that the cheesy disco pop that the Eurovision Song Contest is best known for has taken a back seat in recent years to traditional music and, with last year’s victory by Finnish band Lordi , even a spot of metal, it may be that his own blend of maudlin rock-pop will be welcomed. However, I for one believe Morrissey should try his hand at dance-pop, perhaps with a set of brightly dressed back up singers/dancers (Depressed Club 7?). With previous song title like ‘We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful’ ‘I Don’t Mind If You Forget Me’, ‘The Father Who Must Be Killed’, and ‘You’re the One For Me Fatty’ (my personal favourite) , he’s gotta be up to penning a pop stormer to rival ‘Since U Been Gone’. Next stop: the soundtrack to The Princess Diaries 3 . Alternatively, he could team with one of the other famous names touted for Eurovision. With her Sandie Shaw influenced efforts of recent years, Emma Bunton gets mentioned regularly in this context. I’m sure she and the former Smiths frontman could turn in a fascinating duet. ‘Spice Up Your Pigsty of a Life’ anyone?

Like all sensible people, I've completely given up on actual television. Having to watch the box at certain times, getting shows months after the US, having runs interrupted by idiot decisions at TV networks... it's all too much. So I buy DVDs and use Itunes US store (hint: buy the cards on E-bay and a world of TV delights shall be yours!) when I want to watch shows, and it's a revelation. No watching crap because that's all that's on. Pure quality, whenever I want it. Relics from the past - Murphy Brown , Fast Forward , Allo Allo - and the best of what the world has to offer before it makes it to air here (unless you have cable, but even then I always seem to end up watching Will and Grace , not that there's anything wrong with that). Of course, this has its downside. Sleep tends to go by the wayside. Once I start a disc of something, I tend to want to finish it. The worst offender is Arrested Development . For those who haven't seen it, it was the cleverest little show on TV, dealt a pissy timeslot in Australia and axed after 3 seasons in the States, despite a very funny on-air effort to court a new network. The show's premise sees Michael Bluth (Jason Bateman of Valerie fame) held proverbially captive by his dysfunctional family. A widower with a teenage son (the hapless George Michael - boom, tish), he is constantly struggling with his imprisoned father, aristocratic mother, spoilt sister (Portia DeRossi) and idiot brothers as he tries to keep the family construction business above ground. On DVD, it's hopelessly addictive, since the show's format makes you moist for the next episode with teaser segments. On some occasions during the watching of the first two seasons I got through 2 discs in a session. Hopeless. Totally hopeless. Like Whitney Houston hanging out with Donatella Versace. So when the final (brilliant) season came out on DVD at long last last weekend, I knew it would deprive me of sleep. Fortunately, several friends had a similar problem. The answer was simple: watch all 13 episodes (yes, a short season - fucking network execs!) in one day. The Arrested Development marathon was a roaring success... but what to watch next? Suggestions welcome. *See my profile for the lyrics this alludes to. And Bertie Blackman rocks - buy her album today!

A sad day for little Jess Mauboy? It will be interesting to see if she gets a record deal. I reckon if she goes back to singing country she could be viable. I sort of predicted it, though . To be honest, though, the vibe was saying Jessica to me at the end and I was ultimately a little surprised to see Damien win, but the who-ever-sings-the-winner's-single-best-gets-the-prize rule remains in tact. I'm glad Damien won, though. I hope Jess comes back in a few years and kicks some arse, but maybe finishing school would be a good thing. With all the nonsense about Idull changing this year, I was wondering if they'd actually change the things that matter. Upon hearing 'Night of My Life' it was evident that this was not to be. Another inspirational ballad, and no thought given to the idea of having different singles for the final two based on what would suit each of them. However, a quick glance at Damien's website suggests that something more important has been rethought: "His highly anticipated album will be released in early 2007." Evidently, the total failure of Kate's album (and 'disappointing' sales of Casey's) have led boffins at SonyBMG to rethink the album having to be out in time for Christmas. At last some sense! With a couple of extra months Damien should get a pretty decent album ready, and they will have a hit album in a slower time of the year, and less competition for the other artists whose albums they released in the lead up to Christmas. Let's just hope it's not a mistake on the website. PS. Who else laughed like a hyena when James Mathison called the song 'Nissan Dorma'? Maybe next year's winner will get to drive one of those away...

Much has been made of the new Emma Bunton video, for her version of the Petula Clark classic 'Downtown', in which she and her dancers point suggestively downwards everytime the song's title is mentioned. My beloved popjustice.com was quick off the mark , only for The Guardian to make the same observation a couple of weeks later. No doubt this has been repeated ad nauseum elsewhere - nothing like a bit of cunnilingus to get tongues wagging, as it were. The real news for lovers of pop, however, is that this heralds a new album release from the artists formerly known as Baby Spice. This probably means little in Australia, given our shameful lack of enthusiasm as a nation for her last album Free Me and the single ‘Maybe’, which was the best pop song of 2004 (with the possible exception of Girls Aloud’s ‘The Show’, which didn’t get released here until this year). ‘Downtown’ is fairly indicative of the sort of material Emma now specialises in: it’s all about sixties pop. ‘Free Me’, the title track to her last album, was like a long lost James Bond theme. Even better were ‘Maybe’ (an infectiously boppy gem with lyrics like “when you don’t eat it, there’s many fish in the sea”) and ‘Crickets Sing for Anamaria’, a cover of a track by Sixties Brazilian singer Astrud Gilberto. Emma’s new album, Life In Mono (which includes a cover of the Mono song of the same name that sounds rather like a next single) is out in the UK at the beginning of December, timed to cash in on her being on Strictly Come Dancing (their version of Dancing with the Stars ). You can hear a few tracks off it on her website (which also has the 'Downtown' video). ‘Downtown’ look set to be top five this week, and so hopefully might garner a release here as a result. With rumours of Bunton doing a guest role on Neighbours , we might just get to hear a bit more of her on these shores. And remember: "Things will be great when you're downtown. Everything's waiting for you".

I've been underwhelmed by this season's Australian Idol contenders for some time now, but tonight's snoozefest really capped off a mediocre season perfectly. Could the song choices have been more tedious? Could the arrangements have been less imaginative? Could the winner's single be more lame? That said, there was a clear sign as to who should win, insofar that Damien's version of 'Night of My Life' was profoundly better arranged and at least sounded a little like he meant it. But then he does have the advantage of being old enough to have experienced the kind of love the song talks about. It seems that every year so far the winner's single has suited one person better than the other: Guy sounded spot on doing 'Angels Brought Me Here'; Casey lifted 'Listen With Your Heart' to heights the song didn't deserve; and even last year the slightly countryish feel of 'Maybe Tonight' served to make Kate sound better. As such, Damien would seem to be a dead cert, especially since his record of being in the bottom three only once makes him objectively the most popular. But the last week of Idol has a tendency to become about so much more than singing. It becomes about the election of a representative, and in this sense Damien has a major disadvantage. His status as a permanent resident has been mentioned a few times, including in a Sydney Morning Herald piece that, whilst presumably was aimed at reassuring everyone that he's true blue, only emphasised that he's a recent immigrant. On the other hand, Damien could just as easily be embraced because he is a 'new Australian'. Having a good 'back story' is crucial at this point. The whole 'giving up on music to have a family and come to Australia and then auditioning for the hell of it' thing is perhaps more original than the 'girl from the country who grew up singing' angle. Damien would sell a lot more records than Jessica I think. His constituency of older women are liable to buy anything with his voice on it, whereas she would have to make a really slick pop album to have much chance. Also, with the Young Divas out on the hustings (both as a group and with their solo material), she'll struggle to find a market niche of her own. I find it difficult to imagine SonyBMG signing Jess if she doesn't win, whereas it would be madness not to at least whack out a cover of 'Wicked Game' or 'Cryin' if Damien is the runner up. All that said, let me me say, in the words of Lisa Simpson, of this year's Idol : "It was Meh. M-E-H, Meh." Text Who Gives a Shit to 19 10 10. Go on.

I've always enjoyed Kylie's concerts, but ultimately they've struck me as inferior clones of Madonna's. Tonight however, when Kylie chose to imitate Madonna directly, splicing a little 'Vogue' into her set, she finally came into her own as a live performer. Maybe it's because was just getting into the 'homecoming' vibe. Maybe it's because my two favourite Kylie songs got a look in - 'Hand On Your Heart' as a Vegas-esque dazzler and, much more unexpectedly,'Turn It Into Love' (a 1988 single only in Japan) at a pivotal moment near the end. Or maybe it's because the need to rethink the show to require less physical exertion on Kyles' part dictated that cleverness substitute for smoke and mirrors. Probably it was all of these factors, but Kylie rocked it. With her movement restricted, Kylie was mostly left to be a radiant presence, which is really what she's best at. She's never really been a crash hot dancer, frankly, and her chair-moisteningly (if anyone was in their chair, which I sure as hell wasn't) athletic boys had plenty of circus worthy moves to make up for her. It was a superlative performance, and the range of songs covered could have left few with complaints. The costumes and staging were impeccable, but when the end rolled around and it was just Kylie, a daggy outfit and a microphone, she still had the most important special effect of all: that uncanny ability to convey depth through fluff. Welcome home, Princess. Long may you reign.

Dear Britney, I heard you and freeloader Kevin are history. I'm sure there have been enough people saying 'I told you so' already, so I spare you that. Suffice to say, you've made the right choice. If Marcia Hines were here (and if you knew who the fuck she was - Queen of Pop 1976-78!) she'd say "You did what you had to do, and I thank you for it." Anyway, let's not dwell on the past when we need to talk about your future so desperately. You need to get yourself primed for a comeback. By 'comeback' I mean 'return to feisty upbeat pop with only very occasional ballads (and ideally only ballads with controversial video clips). This means NO MORE DRIPPY SONGS ABOUT MOTHERHOOD . Further, there should be NO MORE HOME MOVIES DRESSED UP AS A TV SERIES. Perhaps you could take a leaf out of your idol's book and go away and write the best album of your career after your divorce. If you're feeling too lazy for that, perhaps just an upbeat cover version of Madonna's 'Til Death Do Us Part' would suffice. Better still, perhaps you could record a version of 'I Will Survive'. I see Timbaland as producer (but I'll settle for the Neptunes if you're still chummy with them) and maybe a Missy Elliot cameo. I see a great video where you pull a Justin and have a K-Fed-alike getting caught out cheatin'. I'm sure Missy would be up for hanging some shit on 'Popozao' . Anyway darlin', buck up. Remember that you're "stronger than yesterday". Remember that you "don't need permission to make [your] own decisions." And remember that he'll be lucky to get a gig on celebrity Big Brother. Cordial regards, Weasel

I've not had much good to say about Lily Allen since her little rant about Madonna (although her comment on James Blunt was pretty good). I mean, Madonna is a bit like family. I can criticise her all I want (eg. 'American Life' was a rancid turd of an album that could only be valuable as a weapon in the war on terror), but god help the skanky little wannabe starlet who speaks ill of her in my presence. Just to prove that she's a trashy brat who deserves to see out her days as a contestant on Strictly Come Dancing (The UK’s version of Dancing With The Stars , which this year features no less a faded celeb than Emma Bunton !), Ms Allen has posted something delightful on her blog . In her most recent posting, Lils admits that her recent performance at the London Astoria was not well received, but she is well armed with an explanation: the crowd was shit. “I put in one of my best performances and they just weren’t feeling it.” Personally, I think it’s hard to be a bad crowd for a good show. Even when Kelis came on two hours late and had to use a lyric sheet for some of her songs on her last tour here, the quality of her performance overcame the crowd’s mood. As such, I think Lily should post an apology. Right now she’s reminding me of Ashlee Simpson’s attempt to blame her band for her Saturday Night Live lip-synching malfunction. But hey Lily, maybe it’s “only because you are feeling alone”?

Sick and tired of hearing All these people talk about What's the deal with this pop life And when is it gonna fade out The thing you got to realize What we doing is not a trend We got the gift of melody We gonna bring it till the end - 'N Sync, "Pop!" This blog is for those of who accept that pop culture (and the antics of those who produce it) is as essential to life as bacon to a BLT. If you read 'The Brag' magazine (Sydney) a couple of years ago you might remember my column there, but no prior knowledge is assumed. Expect pop music, pop culture and trashy celebrity gossip. Expect joy and celebration, because I do indeed love all things pop. But expect a fair bit of vitriol too, because, as a great woman once said (with the help of a few leather clad friends, relatives – probably - and well-wishers): “Only the one that hurts you can make you feel better. Only the one that inflicts the pain can take it away." Your comments are welcome and bitchyness within reason is positively encouraged, but posts about how pop culture sucks and we should all listen to independently recorded folk albums* and watch only the ABC* and documentaries* can live elsewhere, thanks. Cheers Weasel *Not that there's anything wrong with that.